I don't know who was more nervous/excited this morning ... me or Lexi. My usual self woke up around 4am - just like I did when I was in school. The house was quiet, even Rollie was sleeping soundly. Finally, I got up at 5:30 and looked in the girls room Quiet ... content ... sleeping ... peacefully. And it hit me ... hard.
I went downstairs to get Lexi's lunch started ... clothes ready ... get my ducks in a row. Still quiet ... and peaceful. But why was my heart hurting just a little bit?
Lexi was awake when I went upstairs. "Morning" she said with a smile. I knew she would be fine. Me on the other hand ... not so much. After eating and heading out the door for the bus, I watched my not so little Lexi cross the street and climb on the buss ... alone .... with big kids ... to head to school ... alone ... with big kids ... to probably one of the greatest days of her life :).
Milestones are always fun for a Mommy to check off. But this time ... it was a little tough. There is something else I seem to be checking off .... and I can't quite put it into words. When you hold your newborn in your hands, you can't even fathom them making it Kindergarten ... it seems worlds away .. and then, viola, there it is.
So - looking at the clock, I suppose Lexi is almost there ... to be greeted by her teacher ... independently ... and that is a GOOD thing ... there's just a part of me knowing that things will be just a little different from today on .. again ... a good thing ... but my heart still hurts a little ... I still long to be the one holding her hand ... walking her up to the door ... kissing her goodbye. I'm not a good spectator.
Now as I sit and type, it's still quiet, still peaceful, but there is definitely something missing. I think today might be a long day.
I went downstairs to get Lexi's lunch started ... clothes ready ... get my ducks in a row. Still quiet ... and peaceful. But why was my heart hurting just a little bit?
Lexi was awake when I went upstairs. "Morning" she said with a smile. I knew she would be fine. Me on the other hand ... not so much. After eating and heading out the door for the bus, I watched my not so little Lexi cross the street and climb on the buss ... alone .... with big kids ... to head to school ... alone ... with big kids ... to probably one of the greatest days of her life :).
Milestones are always fun for a Mommy to check off. But this time ... it was a little tough. There is something else I seem to be checking off .... and I can't quite put it into words. When you hold your newborn in your hands, you can't even fathom them making it Kindergarten ... it seems worlds away .. and then, viola, there it is.
So - looking at the clock, I suppose Lexi is almost there ... to be greeted by her teacher ... independently ... and that is a GOOD thing ... there's just a part of me knowing that things will be just a little different from today on .. again ... a good thing ... but my heart still hurts a little ... I still long to be the one holding her hand ... walking her up to the door ... kissing her goodbye. I'm not a good spectator.
Now as I sit and type, it's still quiet, still peaceful, but there is definitely something missing. I think today might be a long day.
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